Chemo treatment #2
I have my second round of treatment today at 1:30 p.m. I'm not as anxious or scared as I was with the first treatment. I had these feelings because of the unknown terroritory my body was about to venture into. Now I know how my body will react and I feel more relaxed about things. I'm sure this will help because I'm positive that my fears were part of the reason why my body reacted so violently to it that night.
I had an appointment yesterday with the oncologist and had blood work done. This blood work was to see where my levels (white cell counts I'm assuming) were and if they were fine I could continue with today's treatment. Funny how you adjust because I panicked for a moment yesterday. I thought, "wait a minute what if my levels are unacceptable?? They better be good because I want to receive treatment tomorrow!!" Meanwhile over a month ago I dreaded the thought of receiving chemo.
When I took my shower this morning and began to wash my hair I could feel large amounts of hair coming off my head and sticking to my hands. I kept my eyes closed the whole time because I didn't want to get upset. When I finished I prepared myself and opened my eyes. There was a huge chunk of hair on my left foot. I was grateful I had all my hair buzzed down to a brush cut a few weeks back. My head felt cold. When I stepped out of the shower I slowly looked into the mirror. I could see parts of my scalp. My reaction? I was half laughing and half crying. I have my moments but I allow myself to cry and then I carry on. To be honest with you I am looking forward to being bald. I think this is the worse part of this hair falling out stage. It's everywhere and you're itchy all the time. It's driving me crazy! I'm sure by my next shower I will be bald and if not then by the 3rd shower. A friend of mine made a comment on how amazed she is at how I'm dealing with the hair loss and how I'm joking about it. In my mind I know it's going to happen/is happening and what else can I do but laugh about it. It's just all part of the whole process to that road of healing. I truly believe each part of this whole thing is a test one has to pass. It's not meant to make you weaker but to make you stronger. It's certainly a true test of how much you believe in you.
You may have noticed I have made this blog anonymous. I've not mentioned any names or who I am. Part of it is my wish for privacy. I'm spilling out a lot of personal thoughts onto these pages and while I know a lot of you know me already there are people out there I'm not close to and do not wish that they know my business. The other reason is that I feel any stranger reading this and is going through what I am can read this and get a true sense of my inner thoughts without any preconceived ideas interfering with that. I'm hoping that I can somehow help anyone who is diagnosed with cancer by letting them know that there is a positive side to all of this and that is life itself.
I had an appointment yesterday with the oncologist and had blood work done. This blood work was to see where my levels (white cell counts I'm assuming) were and if they were fine I could continue with today's treatment. Funny how you adjust because I panicked for a moment yesterday. I thought, "wait a minute what if my levels are unacceptable?? They better be good because I want to receive treatment tomorrow!!" Meanwhile over a month ago I dreaded the thought of receiving chemo.
When I took my shower this morning and began to wash my hair I could feel large amounts of hair coming off my head and sticking to my hands. I kept my eyes closed the whole time because I didn't want to get upset. When I finished I prepared myself and opened my eyes. There was a huge chunk of hair on my left foot. I was grateful I had all my hair buzzed down to a brush cut a few weeks back. My head felt cold. When I stepped out of the shower I slowly looked into the mirror. I could see parts of my scalp. My reaction? I was half laughing and half crying. I have my moments but I allow myself to cry and then I carry on. To be honest with you I am looking forward to being bald. I think this is the worse part of this hair falling out stage. It's everywhere and you're itchy all the time. It's driving me crazy! I'm sure by my next shower I will be bald and if not then by the 3rd shower. A friend of mine made a comment on how amazed she is at how I'm dealing with the hair loss and how I'm joking about it. In my mind I know it's going to happen/is happening and what else can I do but laugh about it. It's just all part of the whole process to that road of healing. I truly believe each part of this whole thing is a test one has to pass. It's not meant to make you weaker but to make you stronger. It's certainly a true test of how much you believe in you.
You may have noticed I have made this blog anonymous. I've not mentioned any names or who I am. Part of it is my wish for privacy. I'm spilling out a lot of personal thoughts onto these pages and while I know a lot of you know me already there are people out there I'm not close to and do not wish that they know my business. The other reason is that I feel any stranger reading this and is going through what I am can read this and get a true sense of my inner thoughts without any preconceived ideas interfering with that. I'm hoping that I can somehow help anyone who is diagnosed with cancer by letting them know that there is a positive side to all of this and that is life itself.
posted by Spirit Strong @ 8:45 a.m.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home