Spirit Strong

Stay positive, have no fear and you can beat anything!

Saturday, November 15, 2008

The Flow of Time...

It has been nearly 2 years since my last post. Far too long. I've decided to revisit this blog because I needed to and to try to help those who stumble upon it.

Recent events have caused me to relive what had happened to me 3 years ago. Yes, it really has been 3 years since I discovered the cancerous lump. Almost a month ago I found out a close friend of mine in the States was diagnosed with breast cancer. The same kind as mine, opposite breast and a woman with young children. We are only a year apart in age and have known eachother since we were 14 years old. She's like a sister to me and to have to see her go through this just confirms how unforgiving this disease can be. It does not know any boundaries, age or situations. It just invades and tries to do as much damage before it's "found out". Fortunately she has caught it in the very early stages but it's still not fair she has to go through this. Due to this recent news I've decided the time had come to get off my arse and return to this blog.

Before I continue I need to recap briefly the past 2 years. I had left off at a mammogram appointment and that went well. Check ups between the surgeon and oncologist went well too. Then at the end of September of last year at an oncologist appointment she was feeling deep within my scar area in the breast and asked if it always felt this way. I had a bit of hardness there. I nodded yes because it felt like it always did. However once I returned home I questioned it and kept feeling the area. Almost came an obsession and I was convinced that I couldn't say for sure if it always felt that way. I panicked and nearly made myself sick with worry. Luckily I had an appointment with the surgeon in less than a week anyway. Even before she felt the area she looked at me, knew I was stressing myself with worry and said, "Why don't I set up an appointment for an ultrasound and a biopsy if needed so that we can put this thing to rest." When she felt the area she didn't seem all that concerned but wouldn't commit neither positive or negative. In November I had my appointment and because of how the scar had healed they couldn't place the ultrasound wand close enough to get a clear cut answer so they decided on the biopsy. I felt I was reliving the whole nightmare over again. After the procedure I collasped in the waiting area where my husband was and lost it. The technician who attended to me came out for break and quickly came over to see if I was okay. Needless to say it was a long week but I knew from past experience that if I hadn't heard from them within the week I was probably okay. But still...the follow up appointment with the surgeon was stressful because I was afraid there was news to tell. Thankfully all was fine, no trace whatsoever of any cancerous cells. But this just proves it will always be in the back of my mind.

I have my yearly mammogram coming up in January and once again I'll go over the same stress and hope that I am given the all clear. I feel I am fine but fear always likes to rear it's ugly head. I have been a bad girl in the sense that I haven't had time to exercise like I used to. My family life has just been too busy. Because of this I've put on weight that I really don't need. I have been thinking about power walking on my lunch hour to get some sort of exercise in. It worries me that I have been so blase about my overall health the past year. I don't want to fall into that old habit of taking my health for granted, that's just too dangerous. Perhaps the news about my good friend is my warning to get myself ship shape again. A wake up call or else.

A year ago I attended a wonderful conference that my Cancer Centre puts on every 2 years. A Breast Cancer Awareness Conference. It is for survivors and it's a day to laugh, attend lectures about breast cancer, nutrition, get pamered and meet other breast cancer survivors. I have to admit I was a bit overwhelmed at first. There were a lot of women there and in every age group. I saw women whom I recognized in the chemo waiting area or doctor's appointments and was relieved to see that they were okay, even though they didn't know who I was. I over heard and talked to other women about my experience and their's. I have to admit at first I wanted to get up and run far from that conference. It was too much for me at first. I really thought I was going to break down and cry. But by the end of the day I was inspired and knew that I wasn't alone.

And that is what I want to relay to my dear friend who must walk down this road now. I want to let her know she is never alone and that a positive attitude and that fight to beat this damn disease will get her through this. Get angry and crush this thing. You'll get through it because your family and friends are here for you. There was a reason you found it early and that is because it's not your time yet. You WILL get through this!!

I am always here for you.

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