Spirit Strong

Stay positive, have no fear and you can beat anything!

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Mammogram

I meant to post earlier but life has kept me busy the past couple of weeks. There was another first. January 11th marked the 1st anniversary of my 1st chemotherapy treatment. I remember that day as if it happened yesterday. I remember how I felt, what happened, what my body felt like, my thoughts, my fears. I won't go over it again here as you can read back to my past blog posts about it. It was a good learning experience but I definitely do not want to go through that ever again.

On Friday, January 19th I had my first mammogram since November 2005. To say I was scared was an understatement. The week leading up to it was nerve wracking. My stomach was in knots. I knew in my heart I was fine but part of you doesn't want to relax or trust that feeling. Thank goodness my husband came with me. On our way there I cried and whimpered out, "I'm so scared". I had to get it out and allow myself to be scared. Everything happened so quickly. As soon as I checked in I was taken to the room to change. There was one other woman waiting there and she was only waiting to see if they needed to take more x-rays. Luckily enough, I had a great techician with a wonderful sense of humour. I told her I was scared and she reassured me there was nothing to be scared about and that I would be fine. She said they are gentle with women who have had surgery on their breasts. I said to her it must have been a male who invented the mammogram machine. She laughed and said that they have done mammograms on males. Try to imagine that! Anyway, after we were done she had me sit in the change area to wait to see if she needed to take more x-rays. I think my stomach was doing back flips at this point. I turned to where the magazines sat and saw a purple lilac plant. I knew this was a sign from my best friend. Not only was that her favourite plant but also her favourite colour. I knew she was with me at that moment. I started to relax a bit. Within a couple of minutes which seemed like 15 the techician returned to say the x-rays turned out beautifully and she didn't need to take more pictures. I asked her how long would it be for the results. She said about a week. I asked if it was the same old procedure where if something was wrong my doctor would call. She said she would be the one calling and I would have to come in to have more x-rays done. She said if I didn't hear from her by Thursday then everything was fine. Then she said, "Looking at your x-rays here...your left breast looks clear and all I see in your right breast is scar tissue. But, the radiologist will still have to look at it". I know she wasn't supposed to say that but I think she knew how scared I must have looked like to her. I still take what she said with a grain of salt, that's just me. Even though I did relax a bit I won't completely relax until Thursday has come and gone. Never mind Thursday, I probably won't relax until Monday afternoon.

*fingers crossed* that everything is fine. I spent the week prior using visualization. I worked out extra hard at my exercise club as my way of telling the Universe I am a fighter.

I have to admit that after the mammogram a rush of emotions came over me. I was transformed back to the time of the first mammogram in 2005 where I knew in my heart I had cancer. Not only did I have a mammogram but also an ultra sound. They also had to take extra x-rays of my right breast. I went to that appointment alone. I thought I would be fine. My advice to any women going through breast cancer is NEVER, EVER go to ANY appointment alone. NEVER! Even though there will be times where that support person cannot come into the room with you it doesn't matter. Just knowing they are out there with you is so comforting to know. I wasn't fine after my first mammogram. I was SO scared and felt so alone. It's also a comfort to come out after having that done to feel a hug or kiss. My thoughts rushed back to this after this recent mammogram. I found myself getting upset all over again. I'm sure part of it was just my way to also release tension.

I want to send a special, hug filled THANKS to "R" for sending me the text message on the day of my mammogram. You are so special and I appreciated your support, love and thoughts at that moment. You'll never know how much it really meant to me. It felt as though you were right there with me. Thank you so much again. *BIG HUG*

I'll let you all know the results. Keep those fingers crossed folks.